Our Soul's Longing

Energy update & key mistakes

The past few weeks, maybe months, I’ve been deeply frustrated at my inability to create from my soul and express my soul’s longing.

For me, one main way this happens is through writing. For others, it happens in dance or painting, sculpting or gardening, preparing beautiful meals or foraging, keeping an eye out for newts and toads or walking, looking into your children’s eyes with love, admiration, and healthy (though eternally nostalgic) detachment or simply in the appreciation of it all.

Create. The voice is loving. Just do a little. Yes, the gnome hats count. Your soul’s longing doesn’t need everyone to know. Though simple, authentic sharing is important. Your story matters.

And yet, I’ve felt impaired, stuck, blocked, and in that stuckness: lonely.

Yes, I have my beautiful family and dear friends, who hold space for my experience, while seeing the brilliance of it all.

But you know, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s a wave that must be ridden alone. In the deepest moment, you have to be there with yourself fully. When you’re being pummeled in the undertow, in the breathless state, turvy, grateful, present, that’s all there is.

I’m writing about this experience of longing and inertia, because we all get here sometimes. Some of us are (hyper)aware of the underlying restlessness and are able to bear witness. Awareness is a continuum, and busyness often the patch.

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ENERGY UPDATE

Go gentle. Go slow. You don’t have to plow through life, trying to be somewhere you aren’t. Be honest.

You may have also been feeling like this:

It’s hard right now, stranded on the threshold of something grand. Part of that grand is in realizing the grand that is already here.

It makes me sniffle a little to see how I keep wanting to be somewhere I’m not, ever so subtly. It shows up as a reaching for something external, a number, a validation, a magic skeleton key. 

The parts that are coming up right now have tended toward hiding for a long time, but they’re not as good at hiding as you think they are. They feel embarrassed for hiding and long to be seen. Let go of the embarrassment; let go of perfectionism. That’s just leftover shame from your conditioning. You’re not as alone as you may feel.

In fact, you’re in amazing company and so far from alone. 

You’re waking up to the next level of you, jumping timelines, flowing with time, learning to allow the Divine in you to take the helm.

Smile, breathe. We get to be here, doing this incredible privilege called life together.

Share from the heart. You have no idea the impact you make by sharing you. Divinity flows through all and wants to share and connect authentically.

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My son, with clear, deep seeing and sharp perception—often dismissed as quiet—said to me last night as apology for for heading back home with his little sister without us, while we continued up two different forks of the hill as the rain fell harder—looking for them, just to make sure we weren’t leaving without them: Mama, we’re kids. We learn by making mistakes.

Nurturing this kid has shown me that people are uncomfortable with shyness aka keen observers, because people are afraid to be seen beneath the surface. It’s a fear of not being able to control their image or how they are perceived. Silence makes us uncomfortable, when we don’t know how to be alone with ourselves. (And the quiet, empathic child is often not only seeing way beneath the surface, they are also internalizing others’ discomfort and taking it on as their own. Boundaries become one of our life’s key opportunities.)

We learn by making mistakes. What if the only mistake we are ever making is in trying to cover up what we have mistakenly judged as mistakes?

What if we could be open from the center, present, honest, vulnerable?

What would your soul’s expression share from this unburdened opening?

May you know how loved you are.

Love,
Heather