Use this time to reflect

On what is ready for letting go

The partial solar eclipse happening in Pisces near dawn on March 29 (3:59am PT), is a phenomenal time. Within hours of the eclipse Saturn Retrograde Venus and Mercury.

Saturn, planet of karma, discipline, limitation, and structure stays in each sign for 2.5 years, so whenever he changes signs it’s a bit of a sea change. Being in Pisces, you will find an impact in the waters, on levels planetary and the internal emotional landscape. Anchoring yourself in daily attendance to you through meditation, sadhana, movement, is in ripe invitation.

Venus is in her rebirth phase, now in this last sign, you may find yourself revisiting finances and relationships, seeing where you’ve been overspending your time, attention, money or what you haven’t been tending to. It may be a wake up call to align your action with what you say you value.

The last time Saturn was in Pisces was from 1995 to 1998. Reflect on what was going on in your life during that time, even if you were very young.

In my own birth chart, this eclipse lights up my birth nakshatra, where my natal moon and ketu reside, in the 7th house of relationships. My own reflections yielded so much fruit and insights, I am sharing them here—to encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own journey of nearly 30 years ago.

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Where Saturn is in your chart and what Dasha (planetary season you are in) will impact what areas of your life are highlighted at this time. If you want o learn more, reach out and mention SATURN for 22% off Vedic Astrology readings.

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For me,1995-98 includes graduating from high school in ‘96, 4 years after my mother's death--which colored most corners of my life for decades. So most of my memory from this time is spotty. The thing about memories is that you have to be present in order to make them. I was in such a space of non-presence, that I just don't have the memories others I know from that time seem to share.

Here's some of what I do remember, plus the themes and re-vision.

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Navigating first teenage love, listening to Disintegration by The Cure. Crazy how apropos that is. Cuz really this is a time for total disintegration to reset, align, and rise in the new era.

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Moving from our house into an apartment with my not yet stepmom while my dad moved to Pennsylvania and my brother stayed with friends. My dad getting remarried. I’d shaved my head, which had nothing to do with the marriage consciously.

I was blamed for trying to ruin their wedding, though, as my mom left her body after being bald for so long due to cancer. I dyed my hair all the colors during those days. And when my hair started to grow back, I dyed it black. My mom’s hair was black, and many people at the wedding that maybe I hadn’t seen in a while startled and commented that I looked so much like Eileen, my mom.

So, yeah, there was probably some subconscious premeditation in all that. But to think, none of it was outwardly on purpose, is profound—and gives me a lot more compassion for when I think someone may be doing such or such ‘on purpose.’

Getting that apartment transferred to me to live there on my own once they all moved to PA.

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The day of my high school graduation, I was supposed to meet my extended family for dinner atop Mt. Madonna. But my dad left, and I didn't have a ride. I had to find and then ask my boyfriend at the time to drive me up there--even though he had his own family graduation plans. I wouldn’t have even asked for this help, but an angel in the form of a friend at the same apartment complex that I hadn’t seen in a while saw me, asked what was wrong, and basically told me what to do.

I never attended any of my graduations after that.

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Surviving an attack that left me mostly physically unscathed. I was walking home late at night from a friend's house. For some reason, I was done and wanted to go home, but I didn't have a ride. Suddenly on the way some guys started catcalling driving by. I ignored them, headphones in—turned down—me willing myself to disappear.

Gentle trigger warning:

I said, you’re scaring me. And some other things. I couldn’t scream, just like in dreams. Surrounded by 4 boys and clubbed in the head with a fist, I fell; kept telling myself to stay awake. My shoe had fallen off when my body hit the sidewalk. The main guy got into the waiting car and they screeched away. The other guys were left scratching their heads unsure what to do. I put on my shoe, walked away a little, then ran back to my friend's house and got a ride home.

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With my nervous system shot from the attack, along with a lifetime of me trying to hide and be small and go unnoticed, feigning fine, I experienced some very scary run-ins with lascivious men—me literally running, and being quietly saved somehow every time.

My first mind-altering experiences with psilocybin began during these years, allowing me to inhabit all the perspectives of those I accused as perpetrators and abusers in my life up to that point.

My little apartment became home to teens needing to escape their families or get away for whatever reason. People started calling me mama Poyhonen (my maiden name).

I started diving into what it means to be, the nature of reality. I skydived.

I attended community college, receiving an Associates degree, eventually deciding on a lit major.

Thanks to a good friend, I eventually got my drivers license, and my grandpa helped me buy a car. This was great, because my work was pretty far away to walk, and having wheels allowed me to get better jobs. Resourcefulness, assistance, and the idea of supporting myself have been a lifelong themes.

I had to ask for help, which was hard for me to do. It spotlights a learning for me to receive.

On the flip of that, I felt entitled to certain assistances, that I couldn't readily rely on. It was the early push I needed to really rise on my own two feet.

When I look back at this time, I see anguish, fear, a sense of feeling utterly lost and abandoned being transmuted to something higher: service, understanding, curiosity. I also see the confluence of help and support that was there for me and through me. The current of support and love that sustained me. I also see an intrepid spirit of exploration.

Yes, of the spirit through mushrooms, ocean, books, writing, but I also simply communed with nature. I discovered trails and hiked all over—day and mid-night. I followed wild boar in the nocturn, deer in the day.

I'd figure out the scenic driving routes that didn't require the freeway using paper maps or mapquest. I'd still get lost.

Yet, I would explore trails in the mountains and somehow just know how to get back to the car—making whatever kind of loop felt right for that hike. I trusted myself in nature in a way that I question if I could even replicate now.

It highlights the remarkable beginnings of who I am today.

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The themes here rising with Saturn in Pisces are the balance of self-responsibility and seeing/accepting the support that is already here, now.

Letting go in order to let in: on the level of people, perspectives, opinions, energies, habits.

How this impacts you personally will depend on where Saturn resides in your chart natally.

For me, this period also marks the height of Sade Sati, the 7.5 years of Saturn over the natal moon. It's often said to be a time of difficulty, as Saturn is the planet of karma, discipline, learning through obstacles.

In Pisces, Saturn is stirring up the emotional depths and bringing the unsettled business to the surface. A supreme time of creativity and wisdom, laser insight and opening to other realms, it's calling on us to put structures in place in order for us to create and thrive.

On a spiritual level, make sure you're tending to yourself daily. Begin or deepen your meditation or personal connection practices. But also make sure you schedule time in for creating—whatever that looks like for you, art, writing, gardening, knitting, candlemaking, building, even down to shaping the physique of the physical body. This is a time to bring the deep wisdom out in a way that is tangible, visible, tactile.

The first chakra, which Saturn rules, is our grounding, home, security, safety.

Part of the way we feel safe happens through expression. When we don't feel safe to express, we don't feel safe, period.

Expression of your innermost truth through creativity is potent during this time. Schedule it in!

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Overall, this is a phase of deep surrender, trust. It can be scary to let go of your inner control freak. Truth is, though, you don’t control any of the outside stuff. The domain of your influence is within and that is slowly reflected externally. At the end of the day, you can’t defeat someone who has no resistance to any outcome. This is the key to resilience.

Stay soft; flow. Stay in self-compassion. True strength rises up from within and has nothing to do with bullying existence to conform to how you think it should be—especially from the tiny small place of me my my.

Reflect on the challenges of 30 years ago, and see how strong it’s made you.

Appreciate who you are today. This is also a good time to let go of any grudges you’ve been secretly harboring. Allow forgiveness to dawn. No force, just the intention of letting all that sh*t go. You glow just as you are. You don’t need the grime of old stories dimming your shine.

Shine, Love, shine.

What was going on for you in 1995-98? Any major themes?
Let’s chat about it in the comments.

Love,
Heather