I never liked hearing parent say, good boy or good girl to their children either. Meanwhile, I want to be a good mom and when someone says as much, it feels, well, kinda good.
The thing is, the concept of good and bad are so static, they’re impossible to replicate.
It hit me during meditation this morning, a secret part of me is scared I’m not a good enough mom to guide moms.
Whew, that secret’s out now. And it feels way lighter.
As soon as we see the petty fears and lies of separation we absorbed as children hiding from those feelings of not being good enough, they get plugged back into the source of Love that we are.
I mostly work with moms. Within a couple of weeks, without fail, their families notice the shift in Mama. It’s the kids who say, Mom, you didn’t do your practice today, did you?
Mom sets the tone of the household. I grew up without a mother in my teen years, and her absence set the tone.
We are the wayshowers for our families. When we are a tornado of chaos and unworthiness within, that’s the tone. When we love ourselves, find calm, gratitude, and inner joy every day, the kids absorb this. They’re never too old, and it’s never too late.
We matter way more than we’ve been led to believe. Our wellbeing informs the quantum wellbeing of all beings. It’s said that when we heal ourselves, we heal our family line—7 generations forward & backward. It’s never too late.
The good mom/bad mom thing. We are culturally wired to seek external validation. It starts as kids in the home, praised or scolded by a care giver’s ideas of good/bad, what’s socially acceptable instead of been seen as whole beings innately ‘good’ in that we are one with the Love from whence we came. It continues in every other institution we collectively agree to, in the doctors office compared in percentiles, in school with grades and other bullies. Most often, we have been morphing ourselves to be seen as acceptable a long time.
There’s a massive shift right now, from humans seeking external validation to validating and approving of ourselves.
Most mamas will do everything they can for their children. But if we don’t have that internal validation compass set to abiding self-love, we are stuck looking for answers outside. And outside answers become our self-made prisons.
When we’re looking for answers outside, we tend to look for what’s wrong and labels, instead of seeing what’s right and trusting. We’ll pay all the money for protocols, therapies, and material things. We busy ourselves with seeking outside and following someone else’s cure, rather than steadying the flurry going on within and reuniting with our intuition, innate goodness, and capacity to heal.
When we reconnect with ourselves, it ripples out to the whole family. It’s a journey, yes, and it’s beyond magnificent.
It’s also trailblazing a path distinct from the socially acceptable over-giving, overconsumption, rushed, busy. Giving from an empty cup is dry and depleting. A full cup naturally overflows, just as the sun warms and the water wets.
A family is a co-regulating ecosystem. This can be in the direction of expansion and joy or dysregulation and disharmony. The more mama smiles from within, the warmer the whole family feels.
Motherhood has been my greatest joy and teacher. It is my mission to help moms and families to move from coping to thriving. I give moms simple tools to sprinkle into their day (like fairy dust) to radically accept themselves—even/especially the darkest bits.
You can become the stable, loving foundation for your children that you dream of. You already are that. We get to remove the veils that fog our vision.
We can only accept our children as they are when we fully accept ourselves. This goes for our inner child as well.
Time with our children is short. We are here in this life and in this role to learn and grow together, and have so much fun doing it.
There is no more important work than sacred motherhood. Give yourself and your children grace, patience, and gratitude. You are doing the work of the Divine. Remember this, and don’t let the culture of mommy complaining deter you from approaching your holy work with ever greater love and enthusiasm.
How are you doing?
Love,
Heather
I LOVE this post! It resonates deeply. Thank you for sharing your heart, including your doubts. I especially love this line, "don’t let the culture of mommy complaining deter you from approaching your holy work with ever greater love and enthusiasm." I hear complaining with every mommy gathering I attend, and some of the complaining comes from me! Ha! I've noticed this for some time now, but it has been difficult to shift into a space of gratitude. For me, that resistance stems from feeling overwhelmed. When I remove items from my "to do list," I enjoy my kids and I enjoy being a mommy. In fact, it brings me the most joy I've ever known. But I struggle with keeping my plate light.
I've also realized that I set the tone, like you said. For me, this begins with loving and accepting myself, which will help me remove items from my plate because I won't be seeking external validation. Consequently, I have begun saying to myself throughout the day, "I approve of myself." I'm starting there and building from that foundation. It felt difficult to say when I started a few days ago. But it's becoming easier and I'm beginning to believe it. I also say it out loud for my kids to hear so they will also absorb that energy and apply it to their own lives.
Thank you for another great post! I love your stories and insights!